Faith
by avalon-chan
Summary: Tifa's thoughts on her relationship with Cloud.


Faith

_If you'll believe in me then I'll believe in you_

_-Alice in Wonderland_

As I stand here watching over you I ask myself once again, the question that has plagued me during this long journey. Do I love you? Only a few weeks ago I would have answered with silence, my heart saying an uncertain yes. The answer now is much different. My uncertainly has fled me leaving me alone with the truth. No. No, I don't love you Cloud Strife. I never have.

I wish I could compare my vigil over you to the quiet devotion of Shera. I can't. Unlike me, Shera risked everything for her Captain. Not simply her life, but the feeling for her captain. All she did was to save him. Did it work, I can't say for sure. She destroyed his dream. He may always hate her for what she did. It didn't matter to her, only he mattered. If only I had been so brave.

I stole away your dream. The only difference between me and that brave woman was a lack of sacrifice. I was the follower. You were the one who made my sacrifices. All I did was stand aside. The one time you need me, me someone who professed friendship, I offered you nothing.

The others believe that this is a vigil of love, not of guilt. Over this short time watching you I have come to know my sins and their effects. From the moment we met at that run down train station I know you needed saving. You needed me. I was unsure, unsure of you and unsure of myself. How could I save you without losing you?

You know, you always knew. There were so many times you gave me the chance. You would ask me about our past. I was scared. Scared of how you would react what you would think. I couldn't trust you. All I could do was run. Run from a truth I don't fully know myself.

Now I see that I didn't need to run. You were never afraid of the truth. Unlike me, you wanted the truth. All those times you wanted me to tell you. Free you from the confusion that plagued you. I couldn't then.

Whatever I said you believed. I couldn't see it. The enthusiasm in your eyes when I talked to you, the smiles you gave only to me, and a million other signs of how you felt. I was your world. An unsteady world but you still put all your faith in me. Why I'll never understand. From the moment you first saw me you were always trying to impress me, make me notice you. I just couldn't believe what I always saw.

The meeting at the station was life allowing me a rare second chance. Not purely a chance at friendship with a boy from my childhood. No, it was an even greater opportunity. It was giving me the chance to save you and myself. Fear, my once constant companion, held me back and I failed both of us.

This time I'm not afraid. I wish I could be there for you like you were for me. For now though I'll pay my dues by caring for your body.

Our time together won't last long. The fate of our world is looming over the horizon. The days of our existence are numbered. I've sealed this world's fate.

There is still hope.

Life normally doesn't allow for second chances and third chances almost never occur. But in this case I feel as though life has blessed me again. You'll come back. Brush the hair out of your eyes and tell me that everything's alright. Not that I need you to say that anymore. I know you'll save us all.

There in Junon was it your voice leading me to safety? I believe it was you. You were always trying to save me. Even now while you're so far away I can feel you trying to protect me. You offered me hope.

It doesn't matter anymore if you're a clone or a liar. You'll only be Cloud to me. I know you. In my time of uncertainty and trial you tried to be there for me. You always loved me in a way no one ever had. That is enough for me. This time I will save you like I should have from the start.

I lean over kissing you lightly on the cheek unhurt at your lack of response. You'll come back. I whisper in your ear my first sincere promise to you. "You believed in me so I'll believe in you."

I don't love you, Cloud Strife. But one day I will.


End file.
